From the infallible text that brought us lessons like the Earth has four corners (Isa. 11:12, Rev. 7:1), the Moon is a light source like the Sun (Gen. 1:16), the bat is a bird (Lev. 11:19, Deut. 14:11, 18), and the rainbow is not as old as sunshine or rain (Gen. 9:13)…
Yes, that divine collection of writings that introduces us to unicorns, satyrs, and flying serpents (Deut. 33:17, Psalms 22:21. 29:6, Job 39:9-10) (Isa. 34:14, 13:21) (Isa. 14:29, 30:6)…
And…inspired by the only true and proven holy book that teaches us that snakes can talk (Gen. 3:1), virgins can get pregnant (Matt. 1:23), a man can live inside the gastrointestinal tract of a giant sea creature (Jonah 1:17), and every other single thing we ever need to understand the intricacies our universe…
I give you, the Christian Science Textbook!
Here is a sample. Enjoy.
Read more at http://www.freethoughtpedia.com/wiki/The_Bible_and_Science
This is graphic is wrong. It says that there's global warming. Every good christian knows that global warming is a hoax by the liberal elites to create a bigger government with more wasteful spending and regulations that will cripple businesses and kill your grandma.
ReplyDeleteHow true that is.
ReplyDeleteI want a copy of _The Stork and the Coathanger_!
ReplyDeleteLet's see, Amazon doesn't have it yet ...
Lurker111
I bet Hell is getting really crowded down there in the core.
ReplyDeleteYou're jerking our chains, right?...
ReplyDeleteI thought so...
the Earth has four corners There are corners all over the earth, far more than four. While in transit, I turn them all the time .
ReplyDeleteMoon is a light source like the Sun I agree with this. The fact that the sun powers it, does not mean that it is not a source of light for us. Stop trying to trip God up, you heathen. Your flaming torso will be another light source.
the rainbow is not as old as sunshine or rain Since the rainbow follows the rain, it must be older. God put in the sky for all to see long after he made it. You misunderstood Him and thought he had “just made it.” How silly. God made everything on the first day, whatever that means.
unicorns, satyrs, and flying serpents All extinct. I know this because I cannot find a single one.
snakes can talk No, only demon snakes talk. Most of them just hiss.
virgins can get pregnant Some. Mary and in vitro fertilized one.
a man can live inside the gastrointestinal tract of a giant sea creature Just Jonah and with God’s life support plugged in.
I give you, the Christian Science Textbook! That was hilarious. I literally smiled out loud, several times, once twice. However, we know that the Christian Scientists are cults and in need of reprogramming.
As for the rest, it confuses me as to why you quote God out of context to try to make him appear foolish. I must think you like the smell of burning things, even if it is your own nose you are smelling.
I will pray for you. Hmm. I am not sure how to pray without talking to myself and it is really God who needs to hear the prayer, because it is His immutable mind I need to change, so he will put you on the right path. It is a tall order. Eh, I guess I will just get you a good going away present.
John...are you high? ;-) Thanks for the "Smiles Out Loud." I'm taking that. "Several times. Once twice."
ReplyDeleteare you high
ReplyDeleteI am 6'2".
Are you low?
ReplyDelete